Take It or Leave It

Take It or Leave It

I can take it or leave, is a common expression many of us have used about one thing or another. That is unless, it’s an offensive word is said to, or about our physical self or behavior. It’s then we take it rather than leave it and it becomes ours.

Most of us are sensitive to other’s opinions and words. If it is negative we become defense, angry and hurt. The majority of time those feelings are never resolved and we go through life continuing to take offense.

The more your positive self-imaged has been damaged, the more easily you’ll take offense and own offenses. You become it and let it define you and your life experiences.

Can you stop it taking offense? On the most part, yes. There will always be someone you have a more difficult time not being hurt by negative statements. But you can learn to put  in the right perspective.

How can we keep a reasonable positive and healthy self-image?

You can dismiss from our minds and get on to more important matters rather than dwell upon slights and hurts. You can also communicate to clear up misunderstandings (which most issues are about) and reclaim your power.

As close to the time of the offensive statement, address it; “What did you mean by that?”, or “Why did you say that?”  “I’m not sure if I understand what you meant. Would you please repeat it?”

Watch your tone when with your questions and, don’t stand with a hand on a hip either. Do it in person. Even the phone is better than email or Facebook comments.

Often people are reacting to what they think is a slight to them, responding without thinking.  If this is the case and you get, “Well you said_________”, let the person know that wasn’t your intentions, or there seems to be a misunderstanding and you’d like to clarify. If the person has a real interest in keeping a good relationship with you, she’ll listen.

Select your words carefully and keep it focused on you. “When I heard you say____________, I felt or thought this way.” This way the offending person might not go into defense.

I have a friend whose feathers rarely get ruffled by what people say. She says the person has a problem. It is not her problem. Calmly she goes around her business and often the person, not getting a rise out of her, will go around his or hers, or back down and apologize.

It is true whomever made the comment is having a problem or issue, still I think this way of thinking isn’t always conducive for creating goods relationship. Even though it is the problem of another, you can address it.  This shows self-confidence.

Judge your timing. You could be in a potential explosive situation. It might not be the right time to question anyone. To the best of your ability, don’t respond. Stay safe, but do know if the person is important to you, a mother, husband, brother sister, or good friend, that you will, address the miscommunication as soon as possible.

Consider the source is a great way of letting go of offenses. A guru of mine once said, “If a person calls out, ‘hey you! what a fat ass you got!’ ” and you turn around to give a response or walk away hurt, you took her or his image of you, as yours.

Too much is said in the heat of the moment by people who haven’t or can’t stop their mouths from running. Dismiss it from your thoughts! Bless them and move on.

No one can define you, unless you let them. You decide what is true about you or not, while remaining open to learning how others view you.

How do you deal with offensive statements?

June Ahern is a Life Coach, Psychic Reader and author of two books, a novel, The Skye in June and a how to, The Timeless Counselor: The Best Guide to a Psychic Reading. She has also written a screenplay and is working on her is third book. To learn more about her please go to www.juneahern.com and www.sfcoaching.com.